In a fit of benevolence, the expatriate-coordinating team at my husband's company has decided to put together a "buddy system" for us trailing spouses. I prefer to conduct most of my personal relationships electronically. I'm not opposed to an e-mail buddy but that, apparently, isn't what the expat team and first lady have in mind.
The first uncomfortable rumblings that something was afoot came a few weeks ago when I got an e-mail saying "Hi! I'm the new coordinator, we're putting together a buddy system. X has arrived and we would like you to spend the afternoon to show her different stores, where you get your nails done, how you change money etc. She's available this Thurs. or Friday."
I'm supposed to tour super markets with this women and they're telling ME when SHE's available. Was I just volunteered- note the passive rather than active verb tense- for a fucking welcoming committee?
I declined apologetically, citing a looming deadline and some departing guests; legitimately mitigating circumstances that did exist but wouldn't have actually hindered me from complying with the request were I a welcoming person. I also sent what I hoped would be a subtle indication that I would never be adequately prepared to buddy up with someone for the afternoon but would also still fulfill my karmic duty to offer assistance to another human being.
I told coordinator that I'm a member of a baby group with a very large e-mail list and that the group served as an information clearing house for many things like what schools are in which neighborhood, doctor referrals etc. and that if new-arrival spouse were interested to please pass my e-mail along and that I would forward her to the group coordinator.
E-mail, e-mail, e-mail, the word was splattered all over my response.
I thought it was the end but it wasn't. This week there was an e-mail from Ms. coordinator-cum-camp counselor to the collective trailing spouse group for "a meeting" to discuss the burgeoning program. AND just in case any of us were going to make up an excuse not to attend the very last line of the e-mail said "new first lady" is "fully supporting" this effort, full of ideas and "very enthusiastic." I.E to any of you wives out there of men who work for her husband, whose entire livelihoods at this point depend on their whims, get your asses over here now.
I've yet again dodged a bullet. I will be out of the country and unable to attend. Another wife, this one much higher up on the pecking order as defined by her husband's position, will also be unable to attend BUT in her stead started a list of pertinent information with contact numbers, referrals etc for just about everything from doctors to bagel deliveries.
Aha! Here was my chance to yet again stress that an electronic body of knowledge to be passed to all newcomers was the best, least-intrusive option and still allowed adults to then carry on with their lives as adults, meeting others by getting involved with their children's schools, or play groups or by attending the once a year company-sponsored "meet and greet" people, where people can pair off as they so choose.
So, again I sent referral information, stressing how "great" it would be to gather a list with all of our collective knowledge that would pretty much cover the entire city and hand it out to all newcomers. I haven't heard anything back.
I'm still trying to figure out why I find the whole thing so plainly insulting. I'm sure that as is my wont, I'm being ridiculous. Perhaps even with a 15-year plus remove, I'm still so scarred by high school and middle school that I inherently recoil at anything vaguely resembling a pep squad.
I say pep squad because I'm sure the intent of the group isn't for me to say 'Hi! Actually, I still hate not having a car, my first 8 months here were an unmitigated, personal hell, thanks to corrupt personal relationships that people in the company's housing department have with local realtors and oh yeah, even though I'm supposed to as per the e-mail, I'm not going to tell you who my money changer is because, though we all do it, HAVE to do it, it's illegal here, and to reveal our money changer is like revealing a cocaine dealer, I can't just tell you his name, I have to get his permission first and anyways, I don't know you and am not really willing to put stress on that relationship because of you so sorry you and your husband just have to figure that one one your own. But hey I'm your buddy Tallulah :) Call me anytime.
No I dare say that's not the buddy system they have in mind.
No comments:
Post a Comment