I engaged in the conversation, which I've had dozens of times with other mothers in some form or another. But my real response, oh just buy a fucking can of formula.
I'm pregnant for the third time. I will breastfeed this last child but not because I'm looking forward to all those special, bonding moments that apparently only a birth mother and child can share through the unique intimacy of breastfeeding (too bad, so sad I guess for all you adoptive, non-lactating mothers out there.)
No, remembering the demands of breastfeeding actually made me think, "Great, here we go again" as I contemplated that second blue line for the third time in four years. But I do believe in its immunity-boosting effects, -if not claims that it will also create intellectually-superior children who will be free from the scourge of childhood obesity- so I will do it.
That said, I also don't think its the magical elixir that mothers of my generation, or at least my demographic, have elevated it to be. There are entirely too many healthy, intelligent adults out there who still manage to love their mothers despite being bottle fed powder and water that prove otherwise. With this last child I will not go to any great lengths to ensure that it "never" tastes a drop of formula, nor commiserate with or regale other mothers with the superhuman efforts it took to do so.
Of course, as is de rigeur among the privileged set, I not only insisted on breastfeeding but was also slightly pleased that to do so seemed like a cool, political choice. You know, like owning a Prius or buying produce at farmer's markets instead of Albertson's.
I approached pregnancy with the same intellectual zeal as a thesis. I read the same books as everyone else and was wise to all the ways that a misogynist society, insensitive medical establishment and greedy food corporations were conspiring against using the boob for food.
I demanded that the maternity-ward nurses bring my children to me whenever a nipple was needed, making it clear that absolutely no formula should dribble across their newborn lips. I pulled out the boob no matter where we were, slightly upset that noone ever challenged me on it, denying me the lactivist soapbox I was so ready to assume.
And then somewhere along the way, perhaps after listening to and applauding the hundredth mother boasting to what extreme lengths she went to keeping her child chemical free, starting during her organic, Tylenol-free pregnancy, through to the 24-hour excruciating drug-free birth to its all organic nursery that I started to feel like the Rush Limbaugh of mothers.
It felt like a chain saw cutting through your vagina and now you have massive internal bruising?? You know they have drugs to help you with that.
The kid went straight from the boob to a cup?? Cool, I'm sure daddy is really grateful for that.
That's an organic crib set? No, I can't even pretend to think anything other than damn girl you probably overpaid for that.
This obsession, near fetishization of "parenting styles," analyzing everything that goes into a child's mouth, everything that its developing mind watches, planning its nearly every social interaction for maximum social benefit, where is this coming from?
Does it cut across demographics? Does it really produce better adults? Are children benefiting or does it just make the otherwise totally mundane business of shepherding babies to adulthood more interesting for those doing it?
1 comment:
So does breastfeeding make our children smarter, heathier? Who the hell knows, but I certainly like to think so. I will tackle healthier first. I breast fed Charlie for the first year of her life. She is now over two and has been sick one time. Could be a coincidence, yes, but I will certainly take all the credit for that and will pat myself on the back and feel a great sense of pleasure that perhaps my sacrifice was worth it and really did help my little one to be so healthy. All of those early days of chapped nipples and the months of waking through the night for feedings and the eternity of locking myself in a closet at work with a breastpump and the funny days traveling through airport security with a breastpump with most security guys either asking what it is or just blushing trying not to look at my insanely large, milk filled chest.
I remember one day in particular, I flew one morning to South Texas for a meeting. Arrived, went to my meeting then back to the airport that afternoon to return home. My breast were simply going to explode. I got through security and went to the end of the terminal hoping to find a more secluded restroom. No one there, great. I closed myself in a stall with a little battery charged pump that was really just useful in emergencies. It buzzed away as it worked (I can almost feel that odd let down sensation just talking about it). Then the door squeeks as someone enters and as my machine buzzed asway loudly I could hardly handle the mixture of humor and embarrasment as it must have sounded like a woman in the stall with a vibrator. I still wonder what was going on in the mind of the woman that came through those doors.
Anyways, it is hard not to believe that it made a difference.
If you asked my husband he would say that natural childbirth was the key. He swears every wonderful quality about her is all attributed to the natural childbirth. Which I have to say just makes swell will happiness because when I first told him how I planned to give birth naturally in water he was basically terrified! And how I find a new love for him when I catch him having a conversation, with "the guys" of all people about the benefits of natural child birth. Really he will tell just about anyone how much he believes in natural childbirth. It always seems out of character for him to actively engage in such a conversation and I really do love it!
The health theory I can't help but believe. Our science has just not been able to duplicate the immunity boosting power of our breasts.
Does breastfeeding make our babies smarter? I tend to think Charlie is incredibly intellegent and really amazes me constantly with her development. But I am not sure I attribute this to breastfeeding. I think this part has more to do with how we raise her than the breastfeeding. My instinct tells me that the correlation between the two is just that mothers who choose to breastfeed also tend to be the ones that take a more active, educated role in raising thier children and just happen to be the personalities that will make more personal sacrifices for the good of this child.
Oh, I can hear it now. The rumblings bruised egos. With such a touchy subject, if anyone actually reads this and for whatever reason couldn't or wouldn't breastfeed, someone is going to get all pissy. We've all seen it before in a hundred other blogs, one person sais something and everyone takes it as a personal attack. Yeah yeah, that banter is just an energy drain.
Yes, of course there are plenty of women out there that couldn't breast feed or even chose not to and are perfectly good mothers of happy smart kids. However, I can't stop myself from saying, if you chose not to breastfeed in spite of knowing all of the research supporting it's benefits...I will let you fill in the rest.
Hey, I think this is my first blog entry ever!
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