Playgroup treachery

My instinct is to never leave my room. I don't even need an Internet connection. I would be content in a cave with a stack of tea bags, magazines and newspapers. But try as I might, (and I do try), I can only make The New Yorker so interactive for a toddler. So, I've taken the huge personal step of reaching out to other women for afternoons of coffee and kids. Generally, I never reach out, ever.

I'm now a shameless crasher of other people's play grounds and, unintentionally, play groups. Leading me to ask, am I cheating on mine??

The topic of our splintering play group is a sore one for some people. The play group originally consisted of a very large and unwieldy group of people scattered throughout this crumbling South American metropolis. Largely assembled by word of mouth, it has served as a great source of local intelligence and support for bewildered newcomers.*

However, it seems to be splintering into offshoots. Some have decided its not worth braving the horrendous traffic to cross the great north/south infrastructural divide that bisects us. While others, it seems, have decided to charge a fee and hire activity organizers to lead their children in songs and games. All to which I say, cool, whatever.

But alas, its not cool. Apparently, some are feeling personally snubbed, their efforts not appreciated, and left wondering "Is it me?" Are people splintering into sub-groups because they don't like the others? Do they just think they're cooler? Their children deserving better than our unstructured, messy play group?

Overhearing talk of the renegade groups, I hissed and meowed, trying to inject both humor and perspective, pointing out that people can make whatever they want for their children and call it whatever they want. (Always the queen bee of diversity!)

I mocked, I laughed and now I'm feeling guilt. My simple e-mail to another woman I've worked up the courage to court as a potential friend was met with, "Kid#1 has play group tomorrow, it's usually 3 of us and sometimes visitors attend." (I would be accorded visitor/observer status at this early stage). He then has language/martial arts the next afternoon and then they're off to Mother Country.

Ok, so our burgeoning friendship is to revolve mostly around our children's schedules, involves yet another playgroup and oh shit, I'm hosting playgroup on Thursday.

Do I tell the others of my Wednesday afternoon-attendance (for a small fee) that includes a paid cheerleader for the children?? Is it weird if I don't? Can't we just all sit around and have coffee and let the kids fight it out over toys????

Footnote-
*For those of you who would scoff at foreigners abroad huddling together like scared children instead of becoming one with the local population, I say what the fuck ever.

I'm fluent enough in Spanish to interview any Spanish-speaking official on any topic. But when I'm trying to figure out whether my wheezing kid needs steroids for his lungs or making my case for a vaginal delivery after a c-section, I want to be as precise as I possibly can. There are plenty of U.S. educated professionals here with whom I can do that, and thanks to the foreign mothers who've been here before, I've found them.